so I’m thinking about getting a medical marijuana card


So awhile ago, a friend gave me a salve to rub on my neck when I get a migraine. Amazingly, after rubbing it on, the impending migraine went away! If you have migraines, and you’ve ever messed with all those crazy migraine meds, like Imitrex, or followed it up with Vicodin, you know just how amazing that sounds. Rubbing a salve on your neck. No nausea, no tingly nose, no itchy everything, no pounding, skull-splitting, can-I-reach-into-my-own-head-and-pull-my-brain-out-now searing pain. No side effects. No dropping everything you’re doing to lay in bed and wish you were dead all afternoon. Amazing.

As it happens, the salve’s active ingredient is marijuana. Insert litany of pseudonyms here. The other ingredients: coconut oil, beeswax and lavender oil. Seriously? Are you kidding me? That’s it? Yep, seriously, I’m not kidding you. That is it. Amazing, huh?

Now for those of you who enjoy a good high, I have to warn you. You won’t get high. Some people interested in marijuana would be bummed out to think about using it without getting high. Not me. While I have nothing against getting high, per se, it’s not generally my goal. And it’s actually the last thing I would ever think about with an impending migraine.

So. I went to my doctor’s office a couple of months ago. I told her about this amazing salve and asked her to write me a prescription for medical marijuana. She refused, not because she didn’t think it would help, or because she didn’t agree that rubbing a salve on my neck was preferable to ingesting powerful pharmaceuticals with known side effects. No. She refused because even though the Feds now say they won’t prosecute doctors who prescribe it in states with medical marijuana programs, still, she’s worried. Apparently a doctor in California was put through quite a bit of trouble after prescribing pot. Now that may have been an excuse, I don’t know. Maybe she thought the salve was my lame attempt to try to get a card by saying, “I don’t want to smoke it and get high.” I don’t know. Funny thing is, she’s never refused to write out another prescription for opiates. Go figure.

Anyway, in typical Leila fashion, I’ve done nothing but think about it so far.

Then today I found out that the annual cost of the license to carry is going up $100 in October. Hey, by the way, how much does it cost to get a Medical Opiate Card?

So I went back to my doctor’s office today and asked them to provide me with a copy of my medical records so I can take them to a doctor that’s more concerned with providing patient care than protecting their own ass-ets. Now we’ll see what happens next.

Note to the medical establishment:

O.K. look, here’s the deal:Stop refusing to hand out prescriptions for mind altering drugs that have major health benefits with minor side effects while at the same time handing out gazillions of prescriptions for mind altering drugs that have minor health benefits with major side effects. It makes you look stupid. And spineless. And corrupt. Just sayin’.

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About Leila

I am a wife and mother. I am an Orthodox Christian. I am a Syrian American with family living in Syria. I am a also a yoga teacher and freelance writer. I recently described myself in a job pitch as "a person who's lived in Portland, Oregon for over 20 years with a passion for writing and a passion for all things Portland. I'm a foodie, knitter, wine and beer lover, bee-keeper (yep, I said it), mead and fruit-liqueur maker, organic gardener, home-canner, hiker, biker, runner, and occasional skinny-dipper. I’ve camped all over the state, I sail a sailboat that’s moored on the Columbia (o.k., I'm the first mate), and I spend a large percentage of my time at our beach house in Seaside." That about sums it up.
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