I opened up my site this morning and was excited to see that I had two comments! Two! That was super exciting since I’ve only had a total of about ten hits since I started blogging again. Of course, in your defense, I’ve hardly been blogging consistently, and to make matters worse, I have no apparent theme or subject. So I can hardly blame you. Still, the two comment thing really got me going.
But it was spam. SPAM! Not the delicious(?), quivery, jellied, spiced, rectangular ham spam, but the thoroughly unenjoyable-by-anyone, mass, random posted spam. Spam!
So now I’m bummed.
Also, I was really mad on my way in to my son’s high school today (I pull a Monday morning shift in the study lounge – apparently, any old warm, adult body is good enough for the bright, shiny future of our country!). I was mad because after asking my son to bring in all our houseplants from the yard, I realized that two of them (the ones out front by the sidewalk) were missing. SOMEONE STOLE TWO OF MY HOUSEPLANTS! Seriously? SERIOUSLY? HOUSEPLANTS? In cheap Fred Meyer pots? THAT’s what you’re going to steal? Sheesh!
One of them was an aloe vera in a cobalt blue pot. It was small, but the aloe had colonized and was looking very snappy, all upright, and bright lime green with its plump, fleshy leaves reaching up to the sun happily. It was touch and go for awhile there. I seem to have a not-steep learning curve when it comes to houseplants. And some houseplants require rather steep learning curves. So it’s one of those things, you know. Trial and error. Purchase and pitch. I’ve owned MANY houseplants in my life. On a revolving basis. The ones that are hardy, and at least reasonably patient are usually rewarded eventually as I figure out how to water them not too much, but just enough. Give them enough light, mist them or don’t, fertilize (or more often, not). Talk and sing to them. Yes. I do. They never complain about my vibrato (which my husband says you could drive a truck through), or the silly things I say. Or the incessant way I say them. But I digress.
The second plant was one of my favorites. It was a jade plant. It came from my lovely friend, Lesley. It was beautiful. It had never been happy at my house. I actually didn’t water it enough. It was in a little yellow pot decorated with bamboo. Retro and quite cute, two bucks at a garage sale. No drainage hole. So like the good houseplant owner that I am, I diligently avoided overwatering it. To the extent that I severely underwatered it. But gosh darn it, that sweet little plant persevered and waited oh so patiently for me to figure things out. Finally, it was almost totally floppy, on it’s long, thick stem. So I caught on. Nope, sorry, not yet, although I wish I could say that. What I actually did was, I stuck a chopstick down into the dry, dry soil, and used it to prop up my poor, parched (but much loved) jade plant. Then, the MIRACLE happened. I repotted it in a pot with a drain hole. I took it outside for the summer. And I watered it regularly (or at least, the clouds did). And it blossomed! (Figuratively, not literally). It grew taller! It made side branches! The leaves quadrupled in size!!!!!!!!! Yea! It was a happy, healthy plant. And it wasn’t going to die.
And someone stole it! That dirty, stinking, lowdown rat! That lousy, selfish, loutish creep! That inconsiderate, good-for-nothing, rotten, miserable, awful thief!
So I drove to the school, cursing this person out. Thinking, “who does that? Who steals houseplants? Seriously, a houseplant? Two houseplants? It’s not like I can’t go out and buy another aloe vera and jade plant and pots for them both, and very cheaply at that. It’s the principle of the thing!”
Houseplants. I always wondered about people who steal things like that. How can they enjoy them? How do they not look at them every day and hear them say, “Thief! Thief! Take me home, you dirty, rotten thief!” Or maybe they steal them and then give them to someone as a gift. Like their mother. Then I think, “how would your mother feel if she knew that you stole that gift sitting on her coffee table? For shame! For shame!” (I get a little dramatic and carried away sometimes).
You know, twice now, someone has stolen my car radio. The first one was a Blaupunkt, which is an excellent radio. The second one was a cheap piece of crap I bought on the internet to replace the Blaupunkt. I never lock my car doors. I’d rather, if they’re going to steal the radio, that they not break a window or pop a lock in the process. The thing is, both times, I wasn’t even a teeny, teeny, tiny bit upset. Nope. Not even a little. It’s a car radio. Of course it got stolen. But a HOUSEPLANT? (Heavy sigh.)
Then I remembered. We’re selling a rental house. Two weeks ago, I took the aloe and the jade over to the rental house along with a bunch of other stuff, furniture, knickknacks, tchotchkes (which may or may not be the same as knickknacks, I’m not sure).
We staged the house, you know, so it looks all comfy, cozy and super homey. Like the home you want to buy. In fact, the home you want to make a more-than-full-price offer on TODAY! But I digress.
The plants weren’t stolen. I took them to the rental house. I TOOK THEM TO THE RENTAL HOUSE. ME.
All that perfectly good, righteous anger for nothing!
And that’s how I was silly.