It’s true. I do feel like giving up, although it’s only been two weeks. I’ve never really been the kind of person to stick with something. I like to get involved in something intensely for awhile, then move on to something else. For instance, I used to play piano every day. EVERY DAY. For an entire hour or more, right after dinner. And I didn’t just mess around, playing this and then that. I actually practiced. I worked on phrases, one after the other, and then I’d run through the entire piece. And the funny thing is (well, I think it was funny), I used to practice Chopin. I actually feel ridiculous writing that down. I almost said “silly,” but that doesn’t really do it justice. “Ridiculous” seems closer to describing how ridiculous it was. Absurd works too.
I never learned to play piano as a child. When I was a teenager, we had one in our basement. It was a beautiful old upright, and I spent an entire winter in the garage in the cold, wearing a winter coat, REFINISHING that beautiful piano. Ironically, I have now refinished TWO pianos in my lifetime, the second being the one in my current living room. They are both beautiful pianos, and they both look more beautiful than they sound. The piano of my youth was out of tune. My mom didn’t think it was VERY out of tune (it was, at least enough for me to notice), so she never had it tuned. We keep this one in tune, but the action sucks. Which certainly doesn’t make playing Chopin any easier.
Lest you cringe as you read this, rest assured that I only attempted his most accessible pieces. A mazurka or two and some of the waltzes (no, not the MINUTE waltz, for God’s sake! How crazy do you think I am?). Yes, fine, I admit it, I did try to work on the Waltz in C# Minor. “Foolish” is probably the best word for that. Particularly considering the truly crappy action of our piano. Our friend Rod, who tunes our piano and rebuilds them as well, has said more than once that the best use for our piano would be as a planter! But hey, it’s BEAUTIFUL!
But I digress. I think I started this out by talking about how, after two measly weeks of blogging every day (don’t count last Tuesday as a missed day, I blogged, but forgot to hit “publish”), I’m ready to give up. Why? Well, because blogging is hard. And I’ve always got so many things to do, it could be one less thing. And well, I think I’m starting to feel a little funny about the talking-to-no-one part. Which isn’t really fair. Yesterday, five people read my blog. And I’d like to say, thank you! I appreciate that. When I think about it, it really shouldn’t matter that no one ever responds (some of my friends do comment on Facebook – again, thank you!), but there is a dearth of comments here on my blog. And, crap, I can’t seem to finish a thought today. As I just started to say, it shouldn’t really bother me. After all, I talk to myself CONSTANTLY. No, seriously, I know people say that like it’s an actual saying, but I do LITERALLY talk to myself constantly. ALL DAY LONG. About EVERYTHING. (Sorry for all the CAPS, but you can’t hear my voice and I want you to know when I’m stressing a particular word).
Anyway, so if I do talk to myself CONSTANTLY, then what’s the problem? Well, I’m no psychologist or anything, but I think it has to do with all the typing and the hitting of a button that says “publish.” After all, when I talk to myself verbally, I can hear my own voice, and so I do have some interaction with my audience (me). And sometimes, other people overhear me, and then I end up having a conversation with another person, which can definitely feel productive. But here, well, I’m starting to feel kind of silly. Maybe even ridiculous. Perhaps a bit foolish. After all, I could simply have these very same conversations with myself, without bothering to type it all out.
Maybe I should ask myself what I was trying to accomplish when I decided to start blogging. I think I was thinking I’d get to talk to a whole bunch of people (and I guess I assumed they’d talk back). And I guess I was listening to some of my friends, who thought I should blog because, oh, I don’t really know. They think I’m funny I guess. I can turn a phrase maybe?
Well, I guess I’ll ponder all that for awhile. And maybe some of those friends will read this and tell me why they thought I should blog. Or I could ask them. That would probably work as well. In the meantime, I’m going to decide to keep trying to blog every day. Because I said to myself that I would. If nothing else, it’s a good way to practice grammar and self-discipline – two things I’m rather fond of, but may not be very good at. Shit, I just ended on a preposition. You know, I know that I’m not supposed to do that, but I just don’t know how to fix it. Crap.
Well, I certainly can’t give up now.